Yours Sincerely
by sarahvardy
Summary: Letters from Gail to Holly. After Holly leaves for San Francisco, Gail struggles to let go. End of season 5 into season 6.
1. Day 1

Day 1

Dear Holly,

I miss you and I can't change that. I can't take back everything I said to you in the heat of the moment and all the hurtful things that really didn't mean anything. I wanted you to react, I wanted you to fight for us, what we had and could of had.

I'm lost without you, I'm a ghost walking around, pretending that we didn't mean anything when in fact we meant everything.

I can't move on from this, I can't get past the life we had, how it was so perfect and then we was nothing but strangers who have memories together.

I miss you lying next to me and hugging me to sleep with whispers of 'I love you' and no matter how hard I close my eyes and try and picture you at the side of me, it doesn't work. Your warmth isn't there, your smile is gone when I wake, and the tears on my pillow or a reminder of how I fucked this all up.

I don't know if I will send you these, I don't know, if I do, you will ever read them when you see they are from me. They are just a hint of you that I still want to hold on to and the past we shared.

I love you Holly.

Always...forever.

Yours sincerely,

Gail


	2. Day 2

Day 2

Dear Holly,

I haven't spoken to you in two days, two days Holly that's like a lifetime without you, hearing your voice and smiling to myself and wondering how did I get so lucky.

Two days of not hearing you laugh, two days of not seeing those brown eyes, two days of not holding you, two days of crying.

I have never felt like this before you, I have never felt like my heart is actually crying, as if at any minute I will stop breathing and it would be okay. It would stop the pain if that happened.

I wonder if you are feeling like this, I doubt you are, you were always stronger than me, always able to move past something, which is evident with me writing these letters. I can't move on.

The thought of someone else touching you the way I did, touching your chest, touching your face, tasting your lips, it all makes me feel sick inside.

I don't think I have ever loved someone as much as I do you; the only thing that is making me want to be okay is the thought of having Sophie soon. You would love her, she so clever and so lovely, she reminds me of you, which I know is silly but I can see her being a doctor one day. I just wish you was here to do this with me, it is everything that I have always wanted for us since the day you kissed me.

I miss you Lunchbox.

Always…forever.

Yours Sincerely,

Gail


	3. Day 3

**Day 3**

Dear Holly,

I thought as time went on it would get easier, but it's just getting harder.

I listen to all the sings we would play and it makes me want the world to open up and swallow me whole.

I had such a crap day today, and I wanted to cime home to you and hug you, and for you to tell me everything is going to be okay.

I know you have probably forgotten about me, you don't message me, call me, and your life is probably so much better without me.

God you are so beautiful, all the photos I have, I stare at for hours thinking about you. I think about you a lot, wondering what you are doing, who you are talking to, whose making you laugh now I'm not there.

There was a time when we were so perfect, so in love, now all that is left is this feeling of absolute dread.

I want so much to hate you, to not feel anything for you, but I feel everything for you. I wish I didn't love with all my being, but I do. I wish I never met you, but I did and I fell madly in love with you that day.

Sometimes I think I was in love with the idea, sometimes I think I just thought you were amazing. But the reality is, you was to me and I was so madly in love with you that your downfalls were amazing.

I'm scared I will forget what you look like, what you sound like, what you taste like, I'm starting to forget already. I'm forgetting your laugh, the way you look when you sleep, your smile while you sleep, your smell that is so you.

No one will ever have my heart again, that will forever be yours.

This is suppose to be helping, but it's making me miss you more.

Always...forever.

Gail


End file.
